Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina

It’s a famous line in the Kindergarten Cop flick
You know the one, where the little boy’s so slick
When he states to Arnie, in the classic one liner
That ‘boys have a penis, and girls a vagina’.
It’s stuck with me for all of these years
A line that’s shouted with peers and beers
But now with my two-year-old boy in tow
He thinks it’s something that everyone must know.
While standing in a very long bank queue
My son (who is also fascinated with poo)
Went up to a stranger, and pointed at his dacks
And shouted ‘doodle?’followed by sniggers and cracks.
The man looked at me, unsure what to do
I explained that my son had just turned two
That he was curious about the thing in his nappy
But talking about it seemed to make him happy.
The tantrums themselves are awkward enough
But how in the hell are you meant to handle this stuff?
There’s a time and a place for this chat, to be frank
But it’s not the time, nor the place when we are in a bank.
It’s no different at all when we go to the zoo
Where there are plenty of doodles and a whole lot of poo
We explore all the gardens and eat picnic feasts
But it all gets exciting when we check out the beasts.
Just last week, we watched the elephants play
My son glued to the fence on this rainy day
Then a male elephant weed and boy it was a hit
And on top of that he took a massive shit.
Oh the squeals of delights, from my son and other boys
Who were all lined up, attracted by the noise
The other parents and I all rolled our eyes
I was thankful that the excitement was no surprise.
In my household filled with blokey gents
Where it’s rare if anyone is wearing pants
I feel left out because I’m ‘missing a tail’
But at the end of the day, I’m proud to be female.

This ode first appeared on BubbaWest.

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